How to build connection in new relationships | Calisha Short

How to Build Connection and Trust in New Relationships

Sometimes it can be a difficult for a person to allow connection and trust to develop in a new relationship. Often this occurs when we have experience unpleasant or painful life situations of any kind, and is to be expected when we come out of a relationship feeling emotionally hurt and fragile.

Because we still feel vulnerable we can be scared or reluctant to open ourselves to new experiences and to new people. This particularly holds true for when we are ready to pursue a new relationship and need to be able to connect with the other person at a deeper and more intimate level.

Here I shall explain the process of building connection and trust in new relationships, and what can hinder and help the building of this connection to lead to true intimacy in relationships.

relationships and connection

The process of developing a new relationship

As a new relationship begins and moves forward, the partners build connection on all levels – intellectually, physically, emotionally, sexually and sometimes spiritually (although not necessarily in all these areas and not necessarily in this exact order).

During this process the individuals progressively open and become more and more emotionally available to each other. They start to share more with each other as they come to trust in the other person and in the relationship.

This enables a closer connection to develop and an emotional bond to start forming. Each person begins to trust that the other will treat them with respect and honour their emotional needs even if theirs are different.

As in a dance, each person learns to take steps forwards and backwards, sometimes even sideways as the two learn about each other and learn to operate to a rhythm and flow that works for them both.

What do you do when you enter a new relationship and your partner resists being emotionally close?

Relationships and disconnectionSometimes one partner may move forward at a slower rate though, and the more eager partner might try to force the slower person to move forward at a faster rate than the slower person is comfortable with.

A person cannot be forced to move past where they are emotionally, and forcing them will usually create resistance from them resulting in their distancing themselves from the other and the relationship.

This causes separation, and can also bring about a literal separation where the relationship ends. I explain this by saying that a relationship can only progress if it continues at the pace of the slowest person.

A relationship can only progress at the pace of the slowest person



What to do to allow connection and intimacy

If your new partner is the one moving at a slower rate into the relationship and you care about them and the relationships quality and longevity, it’s best to not push them or to try to coerce them into moving forward. Instead be patient and give them time. Give them room to come forward into the relationship and closer to you at their own pace.

Even if you want the relationship to move forward faster, forget what you want and allow the person to move freely towards and away from, at their own pace to the degree they are comfortable.

Building connection and intimacy in relationshipsThis allows the slower partner to feel comfortable and safe, which in turn provides the most nurturing and supporting space for them to move towards you in a way that will enable emotional connection and intimacy, while at the same time building a safe and supportive relationship basis for both partners.

Remember a relationship can only progress at the pace of the slowest person, so respect that it takes time to build connection and intimacy in relationships. By treating your partners needs with respect you will allow a stronger and closer relationship bond to build, one in which you have a closer connection and deeper intimacy which is what enables a relationship to flourish.

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